Wednesday, January 27, 2016

A Fractured Life

So many messages
From a young age
At every possible stage
Bombarding me
Do this, but not that
Be like this, oh not that!

I was taught
To listen
To learn
To obey
Repercussions of failure
Filled me with dismay

There was love
There was joy
The usual ups and downs
They looked at me
With adoration, admiration
But I also noticed all the frowns

The acquisition
Of money, power, status, fame
I had to win
At this one and only game

I built my palace
In a new land of dreams
Brick by brick
Burying my inner voice
Layer by layer
Ignoring its desperate screams

Days and nights
Of incessant toils
Bringing home the spoils
Of stories weaved with care
How could I dare
To let the mask slip?

And then poof!
It all came crashing down
Burning and twisting my insides
The carnage spilling over
The end of that story
The fame and reflected glory

Was it
My race?
My religion?
My identity?
My beliefs or my capacity
To mutate
To fit in at all costs
To assimilate

What could make
This pain abate
What I wouldn't spend
To get out of this state
Should I simply end
This Fractured Life?

And then I found
I had to lose it all
To hear that sound
Weak though it was
It was certainly still around

It took work
It took stillness
To unlearn unsee unhear
Old voices, old stories
Develop the courage to listen
A regular practice
To rechristen
My own story

As my songs of Union
Became the Voice
Felt, tasted, melted
And the me emptied unto the Me
The 'i' transformed into I
That encompassed all of infinity
I simply knew
A fractured life
In re-Union
Each moment

Is made whole anew
- January 27, 2016, Seattle